in denial

“When you deny the God within, you deny the God everywhere…” -Dr. Lad

This little, yet huge statement was made by Dr. Lad a few weeks ago, and I have been churning the meaning behind this ever since then. What in the world could Dr. Lad have been meant by saying this? These are my thoughts on the whole thing…

What does it really mean to deny the God within? And I began thinking, a lack of so much and an excess amount of so much all contributes to us denying the God within. Every time I look in the mirror and point out a flaw, I am denying the God within. A lack of self-esteem, self-worth, self-trust are all contributors to denying the God within. If I can’t even love myself, the perfectness that something greater than myself has created, how in the heck am I going to be able to love someone else? It always begins with you, with going internally and really loving and appreciating every ounce of your existence and being.

Our lives are clouded by judgement and criticism, towards other and ourselves. We fail to see that our external environment is just a reflection of our internal one. I judge and criticize because of my own insecurities. I am rude and mean because of something within that doesn’t sit well with me about myself. With this, I am denying the God within.

We are constantly seeking for something bigger than ourselves in every single place. Why don’t we ever just turn our focus the other way and begin to look within. Our bodies are the first temple. However, we will take care of everything except ourselves.

Tonight, Dr. Lad said that the true heaven we seek is already within us. Everything that we could ever want and need is lying within. But, we choose to deny all of that, and by denying what we already have, we are denying everything that is beyond us. Gandhi says to be the change you wish to seek in the world. Many other bright and enlightened people always focus on self-development, and going within, and seeking internally. Well, there is some validation to what they are saying. Instead of worrying about others, why not worry about yourself? One of the hardest problems I face is listening to something inspiring, and then thinking about every other person that thought or idea can benefit. But, do I ever turn the arrow to myself and really try to implement those same ideas into my own life? I essentially have just put myself in the same boat of other people judging from my idea of “non-judgement”. And where does this get me? Absolutely no where.

Nothing but in denial. I am constantly denying the greatness within me, and ultimately, I am hindering myself to see the greatness that surrounds me. After all, my external environment is just a reflection of my internal.

Luckily there are so many tools out there to alleviate this constant cycle I put myself in–awareness and mindfulness being two of the main ones. Be aware of your thoughts and actions.

Start loving yourself and then truly and purely be able to love others.

two months

It’s been two months since my last post, and I have 2 months left at the Ayurvedic Institute. Where does time go? Literally. Looking back at October when I started this new journey in my life, little did I know how quick it would go by. Time moves so much faster than it really appears to do so.

What have I learned? I’ve learned that there is a lot of time I wish away. There’s not a day that goes by that at some point I don’t say “I’m ready for this day to be over” or “Only 5 more minutes” or something along those lines. And in retrospect, I think those were all really stupid things to say. Now, I’m here, having wasted perfect moments to create amazing ones all because I wanted that day to be over or was bored for those 5 minutes. Do I ever live in the present moment?

I realize more and more everyday how difficult it is to take advantage of the place you’re in, and to truly “Carpe Diem”. Time is so precious, and we let it slip out of our hands like grains of sand. Why is it so easy to live in the past and future, but never in the present?

Our lives are driven by many things such as fear, desire, and ego. We have no awareness of our true nature or our true Self. We let our senses run our lives, and thus we aren’t able to enjoy what is happening during the present minute. Right now, as I type this there are a million other things that are running through my head, such as “Man, I really need to go to bed so I can wake up in the morning”, and now being aware of the thoughts racing through my head, I stop and realize how peaceful and beautiful this moment is right now. Sharing it with Nandan, being in this space of calm and tranquility, listening only the sound of my keyboard tapping away this post.

How often do we stop and smell the roses, and really really enjoy their fragrance? How often do we just melt into the arms of our loved ones and give a real meaningful embrace? There are so many times I look back and regret not having spent my time better, and how I shouldn’t have wished away that time. I could have been more engaged in conversations, I could have given all of my energy to people I love, and I would have created so many more beautiful memories. But, the world of should have, could have, would have, isn’t one in which I want to live or dwell in.

Time to move on and not regret. Time to live in the moment and love what is going on right now. I have two months left in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Who knows where life will take me next, but why worry? There is a sense of freedom that comes with having no control over what will happen next. The less I can worry, the more time I can give to the present me to help that Nishita grow and nurture her life.

Life if beautiful and time is priceless. Live in the present, and take advantage of the precious and amazing moments that you create.

just laugh

I just got to Philadelphia yesterday to spend time with my family in the North East, and help my aunt with my older cousin’s wedding. It hasn’t quite reached the period of crazy franticness and chaos, since it’s still just a few people here, but we are enjoying our time during the calm before the storm.

I am the second oldest cousin on my mom’s side, and I was spending time with 2 of my younger cousins yesterday. Just catching up and goofing off as 3 girls would do when left alone. Cousin #4 out of 5 is about to start her freshman year of college. While we were taking care of random things that needed to get done for my aunt, she wouldn’t stop giggling. Every single moment this girl is giggling and laughing her way through every task. Out of her entire 18 year life, I can’t recall more than 2 times where I’ve actually seen her upset or angry or mad at anyone. Thinking back, I realized that she has just always been like this.

While I was seriously thinking about this weird behavior of hers, the psychology major in me immediately jumped to, “Oh, it’s just a defense mechanism. Oh, she’s just deflecting. Oh, it’s just this or that.” But, later that night I realized that she is just an incredibly happy individual. And I realized that even though she’s my younger cousin, this one little thing is something so much to learn from. She is always freaking happy!

When I talk about living a positive life and constantly having an optimistic outlook, she is literally the embodiment of just that. If someone says something can’t be done, she thinks otherwise. When someone isn’t up for a certain task, she is there, jumping right in and finishing the job. At the age of 18, she’s mastered a skill set and created a personality that most people don’t even achieve by the time they are 80. It really is incredible.

How can one girl just be this incredibly happy? It’s because she chooses to. She is the best example of being aware, and choosing to be the positive one. This is something really hard to do, and I myself struggle to see outside of myself and outside of the smaller picture. But, it comes to show that surrounding yourself with the right people make a huge difference in your life. Every minute I spend with her is just another minute that I feel better, more relaxed. It’s all about the energy you exude.

We have to be constantly aware of what kind of energy we are sending people? Our aura can indirectly and directly affect those around us. Whether she is aware of how great of an energy she gives people, I don’t know. But I know that it is something that I strive to be more mindful of.

Confused as to how to go about doing this? One thing that I do sometimes, is when I am eating breakfast, or doing something part of my daily morning routine, I set my intentions and think about a few people that I want to send positive energy to. I don’t “pray for them”, but I think about our relationship and all the great attributes that specific individual has, and just think to myself that I hope he/she has a good day. Literally just sending some positive and loving energy to them. Whether or not it reaches them, I don’t know. But I do know that for me, there are some days that are just better than others, and I know that someone, somewhere in this crazy world, is thinking about me, and hoping that I have a good day, that I am conquering my fears, that I am achieving my goals. And knowing that is really a great feeling.

Sending all of you positive energy and lots of love on this beautiful Wednesday morning!